My experience with Domestic Violence


Okay, so this is going to be a difficult one for me, I'm not even sure if I'm going to post it, or even finish it. But I'm going to start and try! I'm going to talk about my experience with Domestic Violence. I'm not going to sit here and write down every little thing he did to me, as the wounds are still raw and definitely not healed. This is a big deal for me to do, just to think about it all again, never mind sit and write it all down in an open blog. I'm not writing this blog to gain sympathy, but to hopefully help other people who are in the same position I was. 

I was only 16 when I first met my ex partner, I'm not going to name him for privacy issues. I was very young and easily manipulated, which seems to be the case for a lot of people who have suffered DV. The first year was amazing, he was the perfect gentleman, treating me like a princess. It was after this point that the abuse started. The abuse was only mentally at first, telling me I was fat, I was ugly etc. then came the separation from those closest to me, he would also pick out my clothes for me because I wasn't 'dressing appropriately for my age' bare in mind I was 17/18. He would pick and choose who I was and wasn't allowed to be friends with. I used to sneak out of the house to see my best friend Parris as he deemed her a bad influence and inappropriate. 

If I went out on a night out he would have his family/friends keep an eye on me, he would even walk me to the corner shop, which was across from my house, if not I had to ring him so he knew I wasn't talking to anyone 'behind his back' I wasn't allowed my own money, he had control over that, if I wanted to go shopping, I had to ask his permission and ask to have some of my money! He was really bad when it came to seeing my friends, he would ring/message them to actually make sure I was with them and not lying to him. I remember him once ringin my place of work and asking if I was there because he had to tell me a 'family emergency' it was only small things, but those small things get worse the more someone does them. It got to the point, my mum would lie to him for me and say I was going out shopping with her just so I could leave the house on my own.

We got engaged in secret when I was 18, we didn't tell anyone, he said he wanted to keep it between us so it was more sacred (wtf?) the physical violence didn't come until towards the end of our relationship, he chocked me in my front garden in front of my little sister once whilst trying to get my phone off me so he could check it. He also cut a clump of my hair out because he said I was trying to be sexy and attract boys when I wore it down, I had to wear it up for a good 6 months until it grew back. I knew it was time for me to leave when I caught him with another woman in our bed, after 4 long years of abuse and violence I finally plucked up the courage to walk away! 

Walking away was honestly the easy part, but staying away was so difficult, he was still managing to control me. I would feel so lonely and isolated some days because all my friends turned their backs on me (apart from Parris, 10 long & strong years of friendship) I had no one and I was also dealing with some family trauma. I tried to take my own life, I took an overdose. I was so weak and so alone, I instantly regretted what I did and text a family member telling them. I'm so thankful to them for coming to my rescue, it was at this point I knew I had to be strong or I would never survive. In September 2014 he came into my place of work, ragged me up by my hair and smashed my face into the wooden reception desk, causing a fractured cheek bone & 3 splintered ribs, all this was because I dared to kiss a lad on a night out. (We had been broken up TWO YEARS!) 

It's been two years since I walked away for good, he still tries to contact me and mess with my head, only last month he contacted me wishing me a happy birthday. These past two years have been the hardest but also the happiest two years of my life. I've been free to do what I want, when I want. It's been hard not giving into his pleadings and his begging but I know I've made the right decision. I know most people will think "but why not leave when he first started" it's really not that simple, once someone has got into your head and made you feel worthless, it's hard to leave. They make you believe you will never find someone else, they grind you down to nothing. I'm hoping one day I will be able to trust someone enough to allow them to love me again, but for now, I'm happy to be single and enjoy being 23!

There was one person who stuck by me through all of this, even when dealing with her own health issues. My amazing best friend Parris, she helped me when I was in the darkest, deepest hole I have ever been in, and I'm eternally grateful. I honestly owe her my life & I could never put into words how much I value her & her friendship. I'm gonna wrap this up now because it's getting a little long, there is so much more I could write, but I think I'll keep them to myself a little while longer! 

If you are reading this and going through the same thing and would like to chat, feel free to contact me via the comments box or via Twitter @chelseahowarth. If you don't want to talk about it publicly that's fine, send me a quick message and I'll send over my email. I hope I'm able to help people in the same position realise they are not alone and there is other people out there willing to listen and to help! 

Thanks for reading, and feel free to leave a comment!xoxo

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  1. I hope you are okay now! I've had to watch my mom go through this for years, it's got to that point where we can't take it anymore, and we're moving into our new place soon to get away from it :) xx

    1. I'm fine now, thank you! I'm sorry to hear about your mum! At least she has managed to get away from it. She's strong for doing that xx

  2. Glad your okay! And yeah I'm so proud of her :) xx

  3. You go girl! I admire you so so much for sharing this story! And yes it is hard to leave once you've been with someone for so long and they're so controlling.

    When I read about him abusing and controlling you and then you caught him with another woman in your bed, it actually made me angry reading it. How could he do that!? It's crazy how he's still contacting you though after all this time. I'd tell him where to go haha.

    I'm proud of you for sharing this, you could have helped someone from being in the same situation x

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words, they really do mean a lot to me! It was really hard writing this, but I'm hoping sharing my story may help someone else in need.

      Yeah he still tries to contact me, which is strange. I've blocked multiple accounts that he's made to contact me on. He's been told never to contact me again, but I guess he doesn't listen to me.

      Thank you again! xoxo

  4. You are so strong! Well done for finding the power to leave him and continue living your life! I hope you never have to go through that again!

  5. I'm so sorry you had to go through this at such a young age, it's so sad. But so fab that you've been able to walk away and stay away! I hope you're really proud :) I hope you feel better after writing it all down and I'm sure that you will help someone out there :) xxxxxxxxx

  6. I recently had to go to court to file a restraining order on a stalker who was harassing me online. What I didn't know was they had him come to court to tell his side, so I had to sit uncomfortably in that room with this creep, which made the matter even worse. he loved being able to stare at me and make me uncomfortable that day.

    Kim Hunter @ K Hunter Law

    1. Oh no! That must of been such a horrible experience for you, did you get a restraining order in the end? I hope so! I was lucky, the police just issued my stalker with a gagging order, without us having to go to court! I've been stalker free for 4 months and counting!!